THE Curious CASE of Saint Bernard holy shit!!! Its comical!

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YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

DON’T READ if you lack in sense of Humor. 

It’s a work of friction (Humor specifically). Resemblance if any, is coincidental though it has drew inspiration from certain worldly events of the modern living.

The Saint Bernard that usually is a silent dog stands blamed for the shit... the guard on watch found or may be some resident discovered at the basement.

Aftermath followed the vigilance, the informers, the detectives, the investigation …but the most were the acquisitions.

How messy one thinks, can dog excreta be – it questions the sanitation, sanity, sanctity, and security! …almost got comical! A crucial matter.

Prelude:

Admits the Great Derra Valley is the prestigious Stalwarts Welfare Housing. Old folk after years of hard life reside in tranquility. Few have a mini Bar in the veranda and often a well kept spare room for the guest. Most kids have taken their wings. Life at a certain stage can be so lonely, the society is a solace.

The slum that mushroomed along the society wall is not a pretty view, though young journalist for a leading daily wrote an article on illegal encroachment, but who reads the papers anyway and even the few who do, anything beyond fashion and sports is bore. Local politics had prevailed and the big loudspeakers on the small temple and mosque provide the early morning alarm.

Some pet lovers have fancy dogs, few own cats. The lush green parks are well maintained by the society displays the notice 'Pets and dogs not allowed' however stray dogs in the premises enjoy the privilege to roam around with impunity, Tails up! 

The only Saint Bernard living in one of the apartments loves the park, but a few times he was having fun, raised objections.

Most pets out of the house, are just for defecation. The pet lovers walk the proud dogs out of the gates for the morning rituals, some evening too. They are trained and know the routine, well cared! Nobody minds defecation once outside the gates, the slums tolerate it, just waiting to secure their right for existence. Few shops selling tea and daily needs get some business too, from the dog walkers.

Street dogs however detest their privileged breeds, tales down. A pack of hounds that would bark, claiming territory. Few urchins that populated the road look up the stroller's with amusement. They like to watch the good breed of dogs and women.

Prologue:   

Basement is a lonely usually vacant parking lot as hardly anyone parks there. A few months ago it was full of builders crap. Now a few owners have wooden boxes staved in their parking slot but usually it’s well lit and clean.

Earlier the tenant students caused quite a ruckus. Many apartments had overnight transformed into hostel rooms to provide for the students who liked to stay without having to bother of the irksome hostel food and rules while enjoying the freedom of drinking, loitering and mingling with other lovely students, many from the North West. 

Society later formulated a set of hostel like rules . A housing society with hostel restrictions, that at times would irk the few tenant families.

This went to a lot of debate, even over mails if students were any good for a tranquil society, except that it paid for non residing owners’ society maintenance bills and home loans. The students were the rowdies to blame for all nuisance - loud music, intimacy in public and apartments even, over speeding, littering, loitering, quarrels, fights, stealing, trafficking and drugs. 

Finally the students are banned and it’s now supposed, the calm return within and around …until of course came up the matter of the lone Saint B defecate the basement. Such an annoyance as if dogs’ barking was not complaint enough! A storm brewed in the calm morning nice cup of coffee.

The security vouched for not having seen much the Saint B strolling out of the gates to meet the natures call. Probably there is a log maintained. You don’t call a security efficient otherwise.

Sain't B was seen in the park and someone even complained in writing of watching the dog crawling down the basement (or …may be wiggling up). Might even be the owner itself is directing the Saint B there. 

That’s it, guilt established! 

Court proceeding, call kangaroo's!

Finale:

Ignoring a customary formal letter of displeasure a warning in letter issued from the society office duly signed. Scanned copy was received by the owner on email with wonder; numerous emails to the society on various concerns never met any response. Now there is a mail, whatever concerns!

To begin with, it was comical, headline for instance – Use of basement for defecation by dog. (How can defecation by dog be a use of basement?) obviously someone missed to use the Mis(use).

Not to bother your time with silly details... to conclude it stated: Kindly warn your tenants to refrain from such activities (…owner is responsible for his dog, but the owner is not the dog) otherwise the society will be constrained to ask you to get the house vacated immediately (since when anywhere has a dog poo been a cause of eviction).

What it missed was to enclose the copy of received complaint in writing from one of the member whosoever happened to be the witness and evidence submitted to establish it beyond any benefit of doubt to the dog owner.

Moreover the land(flat)lord response and concerns to the email, as usual met a response. Oh No, that would be unusual!

The tenant doesn’t concur to the charges and moreover states to the owners disgust that the Saint B defecates inhouse, (As if one thing is not bad enough, there is something worse) but adds that cleanness is maintained and there also is a maid to take care. Sigh!

Then the backfire – Guards are blocking the way and harassing the dog master on the matter of dog (you know what …sounds disgusting though!), to make it worse the secretary, signatory to the letter won’t listen, instead misbehave in public to make a high decibel show (off …what a jubilant act, almost impressing the guards). Some people wear the scowl of someone who has tasted sour milk and like to yell. After all, why make sense when it is easier to shout over anyone like a demented headmaster. the scowl of someone who has tasted sour milk and like to yell. After all, why make sense when it is easier to shout over anyone like a demented headmaster.

The matter is put up on social forums. People likely have better concerns, the few responses raised further allegations that the next person is a lie…. Only if dogs could talk, probably would be less barking!

Basements are damn isolated spots. Dogs prefer isolation as humans is doubtful, probably they don’t even care! Yet fight over dogs indecent behavior achieve higher levels (oh…maybe lower). Dog fight may not involve just dog!

Glad! Someone kept a watch, only if he would have, in nick of time confronted or even pointed out the dog master and would have shorted it out without prejudice. But that would have taken out all the fun! Open and shut case. Where’s the drama?

Moreover there had been talks of eviction of stray dogs within the compound since …forever! The strays roam in open, every morning one would find the dustbins ram shacked and strays to blame and those in rains shelter in basements. 

Somehow rarely strays defecating issues came up, probably they don’t have owners to blame although residents throwing food waste enough to feed. Any warnings issued? Isn’t it serious? Doesn’t it matter the sanitation? Oh! We are choosy in the issues we pick and what we chose to ignore. There has to be fun. A game: cat and mouse preferably!

Epilogue:

Some owners won’t still let go the students while others are hoping to find family tenants. As a young property dealer commented, ‘’Landlords are abundant, it’s the tenant who is the God, don’t annoy it, if ever you find one”. The dealer perhaps never studied, while one studies long and hard, secures a job and again works long and hard to be a landlord (though it may just be a flat), only to hear a jobless 20 something say so. 

One owner even posted on a rowdy lady he had as a tenant who won’t pay the rent and damaged the apartment. Complaints never get over or one may never get over complaining. It’s our circumstances or just us! 

There are further issues of Bachelor apartments, over drunkenness, apartments serving as company guest houses and other commercial services within apartments.

New upcoming society with severe construction quality issues, usual with most constructions nowadays, is passé matter. Affluent society’s deals are.... serious, such as pet dogs. Poor societies are concerned on maintenance, water, electrithefuckcity and survival, so down class!

The commotion brought up the matter of CCTV surveillance at access points and secluded spots. The guards too are vigilant. Wonder why dog stands for safety!

It's been about dog though, letter from residents welfare society, displays its concern of serious matters…. So serious!



The local paper devoted it's Sunday editorial space to the notorious pet dogs with a picture of saint B. The dog looked cute, the society kids loved it and that miffed the society. Bags full of free adoption request pour in daily. The post office had to hire an auto for delivery. Invitation are being sought for a television channel prime time debate on pets (Gus's why it's called the idiot box, though no more a box). A round of applause please, the show just begun!

PS: Comments are free and welcome, pour in!

Be human and let the dog be the dog! Stay cheerful and blessed.